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Here Is The News

Felix Baumgartner has just found the ball from Chris Waddle's penalty in World Cup 1990. When asked to confirm once and for all what is the first thing that man is able to recognise on planet earth from space he said it was Katie Price's fanny. The BBC are investigating claims that Jeremy Beadle had a small hand in the Jimmy Savile scandal. Lance Armstrong has flown into New York to deny doping claims. It would have been more convincing if he'd used a plane, mind. Woof.

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