Fiona Fucking Bruce

What a fucking smug little pain in the arse she is, eh? I HATE it when they let her read the news, she's always wearing this irritating, barely concealed little smirk have you noticed? "59 people, including women and children, have been killed in a chemical weapons attack in Syria (Thinks: I'm alright in Hertfordshire though, that's the main thing. We really must get that man in to drain the moat this weekend. Smirk). The Kenyan hostage crisis enters day three (doesn't my new jacket look ace? Smirk). Taliban behead 12-year old schoolgirl (I'm going shopping later, I really need some new shoes. Smirk)....etc, etc. Me Dad has discovered that a great way to wind me Mum up is to pretend that he fancies her. "I hate that Fiona Bruce, what does she think she looks like?" To which he'll reply, incredulous, "What? I think she looks quite foxy in that collar-less tweed jacket, you should get a jacket like that. You could do worse than pick up a few sartorial tips from Fiona, you know. And her hair always looks nice. Modern totty, that's what she is..." And did you see the Antiques Roadshow on Sunday? With that outrageous chutney ferret in the bright blue blazer? Lordy, lordy. Who's he? He made Graham Norton look like Mike Tyson he did. Still, at least Downton is back on. I love Sunday night's me. Cuntyfile, Antiques Jizzy Roadshow, Downton and MOTD2 in front of the fire, what more could a Border Terrier wish for? Apart from a key to the fucking back door that is.