Did you know it's his birthday today? No? It's all right, neither does he! Woof. I've sent him a few of my favourite German jokes to cheer him up. Here's just a couple of them: Two German men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: "Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your Mum's house." The other man replies: "Yes, I'm afraid that she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit." A black man goes to get a vasectomy. He shows up to the doctor's office wearing a suit. The doctor says, "Why are you wearing a suit?" The black man says, "I just got back from a funeral." A Blonde and a Brunette jump off a tall building at the same time. Who hits the ground first? Both of them hit the ground at the same time as hair colour doesn't affect acceleration due to gravity. Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No? You should go and have a look, it's really nice. How do you make a Swiss roll? Generally it involves a thin layer of sponge cake and a layer of either jam or cream. The resulting flat sheet of cake and cream is then rolled into a cylinder. A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time a little louder. A man walks into a bar, orders a couple of drinks, pays for them, and then proceeds to leave the premises in an orderly fashion, momentarily glancing at his watch as his wife had told him that he must not be too late home. A horse walks into a bar. The barman immediately calls the local stable to report the missing stallion, and his owner promptly arrives to take him home. He thanks the landlord and offers a small reward, but it is respectfully declined. PATIENT: Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains! DOCTOR: I'll prescribe you some anti-depressant tablets, probably 20 milligrams to start with, and I'll book you an appointment with a psychiatrist. Why did the Romanian tourist cross the road? Because he was impressed by the frankly excellent crossing facilities on major German routeways, compared to the relatively poor facilities constructed by his own inadequate government.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.