Our kitchen keeps getting flooded in the middle of the night, especially when me Mum and Dad go to bed early, and we don't even live in Somerset. The flood waters round here smell of piss too, which is a bit odd. As Toyah would say, It's A Mystery. Or was it a Mythtory? Me Dad says not to worry too much about this Somerset lot though, apparently they're so inbred down there that even if the water goes above head height they'll still be able to breathe using their rudimentary gills. We were watching the telly last night and there was this appeal on for money to help South American victims of Hypertrichosis, which is a disease which causes excessively abnormal hair growth in kids, known informally as Werewolf Syndrome. Apparently, just £3/month can rid South America of this dreadful, debilitating affliction. Send a cheque to the Shave the Children Fund. Woof.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...