This Malaysian plane thing. Why don't they just tell the insurance claimback twats that half the passengers on the plane might have been mis-sold PPI and they'd soon track the fuckers down. Also, following the tragic death of Mick Jagger's girlfriend L'Wren Scott, the Rolling Stone's singer is said to be "in a state of shock and too upset to talk about it," by his new girlfriend. Andy Murray and his coach Ivan Lendl have split up I see. Lendl said he couldn't understand a word the Jock Twat said. Four people have died in a helicopter crash in Norfolk. The dead were so horribly disfigured that the locals thought that they were still alive. Clarissa Dickson Wright has died, aged 66. I don't know why, but I think I'd have found it more appropriate if she'd have hung on for another 22 years. And finally, Waddingtons have launched a new disabled version of Cluedo today. The runner did it, in the bathroom, with the revolver. Woof.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...