This Malaysian plane thing. Why don't they just tell the insurance claimback twats that half the passengers on the plane might have been mis-sold PPI and they'd soon track the fuckers down. Also, following the tragic death of Mick Jagger's girlfriend L'Wren Scott, the Rolling Stone's singer is said to be "in a state of shock and too upset to talk about it," by his new girlfriend. Andy Murray and his coach Ivan Lendl have split up I see. Lendl said he couldn't understand a word the Jock Twat said. Four people have died in a helicopter crash in Norfolk. The dead were so horribly disfigured that the locals thought that they were still alive. Clarissa Dickson Wright has died, aged 66. I don't know why, but I think I'd have found it more appropriate if she'd have hung on for another 22 years. And finally, Waddingtons have launched a new disabled version of Cluedo today. The runner did it, in the bathroom, with the revolver. Woof.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.