Was telling me Mum last night that after years of struggling with her weight that the doctors have finally discovered what was wrong with his ex missus. It was all down to her ears, apparently. "Her ears, what've they got to do with it?" me Mum asked. "Well, they were so fucking good that they could hear the ice cream van coming from six streets away," me Dad said. Here's one for you. What's yellow and lies at the bottom of the Indian Ocean? It's sand. Why, what did you think I was going to say? Come on, have a fucking heart will ya. Woof....
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.