Police investigating claims that tonight's friendly between Nigeria and Scotland at Craven Cottage was to be "fixed" are looking into suggestions that in exchange for throwing the game the Jocks were to be given 25 schoolgirls each. Woof. Me Dad reckons that he's already been told the score and can't wait for his winnings to be transferred into his bank account by his most loyal and trusted friend, the son of a Nigerian prince, who was tragically killed in a plane crash just weeks ago. He's sent them his bank details and a small administration fee just to cover the money transfer costs. Nah, he hasn't really. He said he knew it was a scam the minute that they said the Sweaty Socks were gonna win. Woof.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...