They go back to school next week, hoo fucking rah, and good riddance to the lazy idle bastards I say. I'll have the house to meself, sleeping all day in a nice sunny spot by the window. Yes, I did say sunny, because the sun is coming out bang on cue once the great unwashed go back to school. That's what the Met Office say anyway: "fine and dry weather next week as high pressure dominates" - bring it fucking on. They've done my bastard head in this last 6 weeks. They live like fucking pigs. You can't see the fucking floor in the big one's room you know. It looks like there's been a fucking explosion in there. We've no idea what colour the fucking carpet is, or even if there IS a carpet in there. And as for the other fella, don't you think that nearly 15 is a bit old to be out "playing" and having "sleepovers"? It all sounds a bit fucking gay to me. He's got an earring you know. A fucking earring. He'll be joining the bastard navy next. Or having his nipple pierced. Birching that's what they fucking need. Hanging's too good for them.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...