"France tells citizens to flee ebola" was the headline in the paper today. I thought, fuck me, it's not like the French to run away at the first sign of trouble is it? Why did the Man Utd fan cross the road? To see how much a season ticket was at the Etihad. Me Dad was talking to this guy in the pub yesterday, and me Dad (mistakenly thinking that he's funny) says "What do you do if you see and epileptic having a fit in the bath" and before he could deliver the punchline a bloke sat a few feet away said "Do you mind, my son was an epileptic, and he died in the bath." Me Dad says "Oh, I'm sorry mate, it was only a joke, did he drown?" The bloke says "No, he choked to death on one of me socks." Woof.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.