Have you heard of it? People are giving up drinking alcohol for the month just to prove that they can do it and to improve their health. Me Dad says it's a great idea as it means he can get served at the bar just that little bit quicker. He was out on business last week, and said he got caught short on the M62 and had to pop into the motorway services for a pooh. All the cubicles were full, so he waited outside for a bit. The first guy out was a lorry driver emerging from trap 3, who said "I wouldn't go in there just now if I was you, mate." Me Dad said "Why does it smell a bit?" The lorry driver said "No, but I've just murdered a prostitute in there." And he didn't even wash his hands afterwards, the dirty bastard.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...