The world of light entertainment has been rocked today by Lenny Henry's shock confession that he is a completely talentless twat. "Lenny felt that he was unable to hide this terrible truth from the public any longer," said his agent. The startling revelation sent shock waves around the BBC and ITV that other similarly talentless wankers might also break strict Equity rules and 'fess up that they are afflicted with the same tragic condition. Recent Mintel research suggests that as many as 2 in 5 celebrities could be secretly concealing a total lack of ability to do or say anything half fucking sensible. Holding back tears "a day comes when you can't just say 'Katanga' in a stupid voice and get away with it any longer, and that day is here today," Henry told reporters outside his London home. Dawn French was unavailable for comment.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.