Skip to main content

Missing Cat Found

Me Dad saw this poster on a nearby lamp-post whilst taking me out for a walk this morning, so he pulled it down and took it home, and then rang the people concerned. The conversation went like this. "Hello, are you the people with the cat who went missing, Tiddles?" They said "Yes, we are, have you found him?" Me Dad said "Yes, I think I have, I think I saw him whilst out walking the dog this morning." They said "Wow, are you sure, was he mostly a tabby but with two black front paws and two white ones at the back?" Me Dad says "Yes, I do believe that he did!" They said "Great, now think carefully did he have a little white ruff on his chest, about the size of a 50 pence piece?" Me Dad says "He certainly did yes. And a white ring around the tip of his tail as I recall." "Wow, really! Amazing! That's him alright, wearing a snazzy yellow collar was he?" Me Dad says "No, sorry, the cat I saw in the skip outside the old pub that they're doing up on Skipton Road didn't even have a head." Woof!

Popular posts from this blog

Fucking Passwords

Create a password..... cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.... boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYou DontGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, that password is already in use! See  Fucking phone calls too

My Mate Frank

Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...

RIP Frank Carson

It's a little known fact that Frank Carson actually got into comedy purely by chance. When he was a young man, he was a church bell-ringer in Northern Ireland, but he was so bad at it that every time he rang the bells, everyone immediately burst out laughing. It was the way he tolled them. Pooh count: two, and one of them a cracker that has your name on it Frankie. You can pick it up from Pearly Gates reception on your way in.