Stephen Hawking is apparently working on a theory that he says will enable him to predict the precise location of everything in the entire universe. Which is handy, 'cos me Dad says he'd love to know where the wanker that put that dent in his bumper in Sainsbury's car park the other day lives. Woof. Me Dad was saying last night that his first missus once asked him if he fancied a bit of doctor and patient role play. So he said, go one then, I'll give anything a try the once. So he put a white coat on, sat her down and said "I'm sorry MrsN#1, but I'm afraid I have to tell you that you're morbidly obese." Which went down a storm apparently.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...