Dear maker of Alpen, why don't you try packaging your product in a colander? That way we can tip even more of it all over the worktop when trying to pour it into a bowl than we do already. Cunts. Me Dad went into the supermarket the other day to buy a cheap bunch of flowers. The girl behind the counter rolled her eyes and said "Come on then, what have you done?" Me Dad said "I've just killed a cyclist in the car park." These three lads are sat in the pub when a bloke walks in, a bit tipsy, orders a pint, and stands at the bar drinking it. He looks around, see the three boys and saunters over, and says "I've sucked your Mum's tits" to the one in the middle before wandering back to the bar. They all look at each other aghast. Ten minutes later he's back "I've seen your Mum's minge" he says again to the lad in the middle, before wandering back to the bar cool as you like. Ten minutes later he's back again "I've shagged your Mum doggy style and she loved it" he says again to the lad in the middle. At which point the lad jumps up and says "Come on Dad, I think we'd better get you home."
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.