I've got to stop reading BBC news - every time I do, I come away thinking how much more PC bollocks can a terrier take? This week, the Birmingham Repertory Theater has got a new play on for the children at half-term. No wonder me Mum calls it "kiss my arse Birmingham".
The play is called Penguins. It's based on the real story of two chinstrap penguins from New York Zoo, called Roy and Silo. No, I've never heard of chinstrap penguins either, but hey, let's go with it. They have to incubate an egg, and then raise the chick.
Sounds good I hear you say - the kids will f*****n' love that. Two cute little penguins facing the adversity of an arctic winter, all set to music. But hold on - these penguins are BOTH male. According to the theatre, Roy and Silo are GAY penguins, I'm amazed they don't come from San Francisco. Like any other penguins they can walk, play, swim and dance together. Happily there's no mention of any of the other activities they get up to!
The marketing blurb says that - and I quote - "Penguins is a unique and engaging show for children about friendship, fun, identity and the ever-changing meaning of family".
Sounds good I hear you say - the kids will f*****n' love that. Two cute little penguins facing the adversity of an arctic winter, all set to music. But hold on - these penguins are BOTH male. According to the theatre, Roy and Silo are GAY penguins, I'm amazed they don't come from San Francisco. Like any other penguins they can walk, play, swim and dance together. Happily there's no mention of any of the other activities they get up to!
The marketing blurb says that - and I quote - "Penguins is a unique and engaging show for children about friendship, fun, identity and the ever-changing meaning of family".
I've got an idea - seeing as they are penguins, and presumably black and white ones at that. Let's have them teach us a thing or two about racial equality, as they live side by side together in perfect harmony; just like in the fucking shite song by Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney.
As it's on in Birmingham we could add in some radical Penguins; who take over parts of the stage and declare it an Islamic Penguinate. For the grand finale they handcuff Roy and Silo together; and throw them off the stage into the orchestra pit below. The children could film it on their iPhones and then post it on You Tube later.
Fuck me; stop this shite now, just let the kids play out; eat fish fingers and watch Tom and Jerry. If they need to know about the real world issues like employment then tell 'em to get a fucking paper round.
No wonder Tristram turned out the way he did - woof