Hey guess what - as well as hating fucking passwords, me dad hated automated voice systems too.
Welcome to the WeDontGiveAShit Insurance helpline, to start off please type in your 16 digit account code followed by the hash key.
Panics, finds number on a piece of paper, types 4 9 2 9 4 2 9 1 6 1 0 0 1 6 6 6 slowly.
Sorry that account code is not recognised, did you forget the hash key? Please try again.
Oh fuck I did that wrong it ends in 10 66 not 16 66, types number in again, followed by the # key.
Press 1 for inquiries, 2 for claims, 3 for whatever and 4 for fuck knows. For all other inquiries please hold.
Presses 2.
Great, Press 1 for a new claim, and 2 for an existing claim.
Presses 2 again.
Moronic music plays.
I'm Bored shit less already.
OK, you are 4th in the queue, please hold. Moronic music starts on repeat.
Still bored shit less; my patience is running out.
OK, now enter your date of birth followed by the hash key.
Types 26 03 1961 and then #.
Please hold you're next in the queue, moronic music resumes.
I'm really getting fucked off now.
Suddenly - Hi I'm Ted, can I help you?
Amazed! Yes, I want to check on my claim for my car being written off.
No problem .... can I have your 16 digit account code?
You want my 16 digit account code? Is that the same one that I typed in about half a bastard hour ago?
Yep; that's the one.
Sorry maybe it's just me. But I'm missing something here. Your system asked me to type in my account code, which I did, and then the first fucking question you ask me is - what's my account code. What is the fucking point of you asking for it; and ME typing it in, IF you have got no fucking intention of using it?
I'm sorry sir it's our systems, they are a bit slow today.
No shit Sherlock. Well write this down, my fucking account code is 4 9 2 9 4 2 9 1 6 1 0 0 1 0 6 6 - do you want the bastard hash key as well?
Very witty sir, but no that's fine. I just need your date of birth as well.
Are you taking the piss or what!
No sir I need your date of birth, and also for security can you tell me the name of your first pet - and the VIN number stamped on the vehicle?
Right smart arse, it is 26 03 1961, Snowy the rabbit, and V Z 7 3 6 3 7 1 9 1 2 9 1.
Ah ... I can see you bought the policy from TossItOff Insurance.
So?
Well, they merged with WeDontGiveAShit Insurance last year; their records are in a different system.
Well?
In a different department.
And.
In a different office, with a different phone number.
Fuck me ragged.
And they're in a different time zone in Outer Mongolia, all their offices are closed right now.
Headbutts wall; smashes phone into tiny pieces.
Welcome to the WeDontGiveAShit Insurance helpline, to start off please type in your 16 digit account code followed by the hash key.
Panics, finds number on a piece of paper, types 4 9 2 9 4 2 9 1 6 1 0 0 1 6 6 6 slowly.
Sorry that account code is not recognised, did you forget the hash key? Please try again.
Oh fuck I did that wrong it ends in 10 66 not 16 66, types number in again, followed by the # key.
Press 1 for inquiries, 2 for claims, 3 for whatever and 4 for fuck knows. For all other inquiries please hold.
Presses 2.
Great, Press 1 for a new claim, and 2 for an existing claim.
Presses 2 again.
Moronic music plays.
I'm Bored shit less already.
OK, you are 4th in the queue, please hold. Moronic music starts on repeat.
Still bored shit less; my patience is running out.
OK, now enter your date of birth followed by the hash key.
Types 26 03 1961 and then #.
Please hold you're next in the queue, moronic music resumes.
I'm really getting fucked off now.
Suddenly - Hi I'm Ted, can I help you?
Amazed! Yes, I want to check on my claim for my car being written off.
No problem .... can I have your 16 digit account code?
You want my 16 digit account code? Is that the same one that I typed in about half a bastard hour ago?
Yep; that's the one.
Sorry maybe it's just me. But I'm missing something here. Your system asked me to type in my account code, which I did, and then the first fucking question you ask me is - what's my account code. What is the fucking point of you asking for it; and ME typing it in, IF you have got no fucking intention of using it?
I'm sorry sir it's our systems, they are a bit slow today.
No shit Sherlock. Well write this down, my fucking account code is 4 9 2 9 4 2 9 1 6 1 0 0 1 0 6 6 - do you want the bastard hash key as well?
Very witty sir, but no that's fine. I just need your date of birth as well.
Are you taking the piss or what!
No sir I need your date of birth, and also for security can you tell me the name of your first pet - and the VIN number stamped on the vehicle?
Right smart arse, it is 26 03 1961, Snowy the rabbit, and V Z 7 3 6 3 7 1 9 1 2 9 1.
Ah ... I can see you bought the policy from TossItOff Insurance.
So?
Well, they merged with WeDontGiveAShit Insurance last year; their records are in a different system.
Well?
In a different department.
And.
In a different office, with a different phone number.
Fuck me ragged.
And they're in a different time zone in Outer Mongolia, all their offices are closed right now.
Headbutts wall; smashes phone into tiny pieces.