TRUMP, open the Straits of Hormuz NOW !! IRAN it's open to friendly ships TRUMP open the FUCKING Straits NOW IRAN it's still shut TRUMP, OK I'm closing the Straits IRAN err it's already closed TRUMP I've blockaded it  IRAN we just opened it TRUMP you opened it? IRAN Yes you said you'd nuke us TRUMP that was last week IRAN so do we open and/or close it? TRUMP close it IRAN Ok TRUMP so then I can claim I will open it IRAN We've lost track now TRUMP ceasefire,? IRAN don't mind if we do This was just last week's shenanigans 

Well I can't think of anything good to say about the current state of the world, Trump, Iran, Ukraine, Russia, Starmer, Farage. I've sought solace by checking out the headlines from The Sun. Poor old Britney Spears is there. OMG she looks awful. Imagine your poor old gran with peroxide hair, looking like she hasn't slept for a week, in a peephole bra. As Jeff Lynne would say ... I can't get it out of my head oh no

The questions are here for the 2022-23 survey. Are you? a boy doggy a girl doggy a prefer not to say kind of doggy How would describe your colour? a white doggy a black doggy a brown doggy a black & white doggy, I'm a Dalmatian  a prefer not to say kind of doggy If you smell another doggy's bottom, would you? walk away calmly after giving a brief or perfunctory sniff give it one up the chutney prefer not to say What colour is your lead? blue pink prefer not to say What is your preferred pronoun? him/he her/she what the f**k is a pronoun? prefer not to say What is LGBT ? a kind of sandwich a load of bollocks the tail is wagging the dog prefer not to say Stay woof in 2023 you know it makes sense

I see old Mr Glow Sun Tan * has been at his modest best again. (* Isn't he the Chinese ambassador?) I've stopped 7 wars, including India vs Pakistan. Err ... Mr President there wasn't a war between India and Pakistan. There you go ! I stopped it before it even started. Then there was Ukraine v Russia ... Stopped that one in its tracks,  Yemen vs the Houtis, Israel v Palestine naturally.  England v Wales,  USA vs Canada and Mexico.  Easter Island vs Tristan Da Cunha.  War of the Roses, Lancashire v Yorkshire, you never hear about that anymore. I stopped em all, and did I get a phone call or text saying Gee Thanks? No I did not.

Benny the inspiration for Noggers Dog's Blog passed away this week at 15 y.o or 105 in human terms. God Bless him. stay forever woof

I wouldn't normally have anything to do with cats, but this is inspired. Bit like that doggy that looked like Hitler. Stay woof

More ideas for those clever telly people. Travel Man, 24 hours in Grimsby Celebrity Wallpapering My Gran, Your Grandad etc Inside the Convent Glasgow: a Binge Drinkers Paradise How to get rid of moths People who pi** in swimming pools, exposed Michael Portillo, Great Bus Rides round rural Britain Susan Calman's Celebrity Curling Cooking with Spam, top recipes Britain's top 10 dog biscuits Stay woof

Dad's been in a foul temper with all the roadworks that have popped up. They dig up the same road time after time. This time they really outshone themselves, but cutting acces to his driveway in a classic pincer move much beloved the German Panzer divisions of WW2. THEY DUG UP ROAD THE ROAD ON BOTH SIDES of his house making it impossible to get in or out.  Then they dug a trench and put up barriers. I'm amazed they didn't mine it and cover with trip wire. He spoke to them and asked "why they had to dig up this road yet again". "It's been dug more time than the Valley of the Kings" - ok these may not the exact words he used. They replied that they hadn't worked on that as it wasn't in their area. FFS, stay woof

Isn't nature wonderful? I went for a walk today down by the canal, nice a few sniffs. Then I felt the urge for a number 2. Amazed to find I'd curled one off that was different colours. I looks like the dog poop equivalent of a Snickers. Soft on the outside with a nutty centre. I'm especially proud of the way I've pooped out individual peanuts. Isn't nature wonderful? Stay woof

Take a bow Micah P Hinson I rather like his music. Don't you Forget About Me. Stay woof

 My god; how low can you go in TV terms, quite low is the answer. There are no end of permutations - except anything involving doggies - well until now. My Mum, Your Dad ... plus the chihuahua ! Stay woof !

It's a new reality show FFS Endless permutations My Mum, your Dad My Mum, your Mum My Dad, your Dad My Mum, my Dad + your Dad My Mum, your Mum + your Dad Stay woof

I love a by election but only for the nutters who stand in them. I expected the Monster Raving Loony Party but there's a new kid on the block ... Count Binface. So i've been inspired to stand myself as his buddy, Count Benny of Thejets. Just like my inspiration Sir Elton, I'm still standing. My policies include:- Lowering taxes on dog food Campaigning for more poo bins Compulsory banning of cats Gotta go,  I ate something 'dodgy' earlier in the park and I think I'm about to lose my deposit! Stay woof

You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to go back to fetch it.

The Krankie has resigned och aye the noo, wee Nippy has gone.

I found these on sale at Aldi a few weeks ago. They weren't next to each other on the shelf, but then that's probably a good thing. Stay Woof in 2023 !

It's been that long since I posted on the Blog that we've had and then lost a new Prime Minister. Bojo with all his pratfalls, was comedy gold. Liz Truss, I didn't even have time to stick the boot in *** In Liz we Truss, let's look at her track record. Goes to meet the Queen; and two days later she dies. Comes up with a mini budget; and the pound tanks in value.  Erm ... There's a trend here. Erm .. let's not forget Kamiwaze Kwarteng, banzai to the British economy.  Erm ... Let's not forget we've borrowed another 45 billion but that's Ok. I can find that down the back of the Downing Street sofa Erm ... I'm a fighter not a quitter, except I quit today .. *** She's gone thank fuck for that. Stay woof

I see Peppa Pig has joined the ranks of politically correct bollocks. This news comes after a pressure group in the USA gathered more then 24,000 signatures to push a lesbian agenda. It's heart warming isn't it, when you consider the population of the USA is 339,000,000 million. So a pressure group that makes up just 0.006 percent of the population has won the day.  The tail is wagging the dog. Penny Polar Bear  draws two female Polar Bears in dresses before turning to Peppa and saying: “I’m Penny Polar Bear.  I live with my mummy and my other mummy. One mummy is a doctor and one mummy cooks spaghetti. I love spaghetti.” How does your mummy(s) feel about cucumbers? Well they usually buy 2, because you can always eat 1. How long before Peter Polar Bear says I live with my two daddys. Ones a bit theatrical and designs costumes. The other daddy is outrageously camp and loves ballet. Stay woof!

Mattel, the company that makes Barbie dolls, has released a range of more diverse dolls. For the first time, Barbie is seen with a hearing aid, a prosthetic limb and a wheelchair, while a Ken doll has the skin condition vitiligo. Ken also sports a blonde wig and he/she may be Ken/Kenette, he/she hasn't decided yet. Fuck right off with this bollocks.  Where are all the white Reggae singers? I checked and the top 10 reggae artists of all time are all black. No white guy from Guildford amongst 'em. Coming soon, bread line Barbie who can't pay her gas bill, Chav Barbie who lives off benefits. Dyslexic Abrabei who can't spell. Stay woof !